It's not just about school even though sometimes I feel like it is!

This has been a couple of hectic weeks in my life. Since February, I have been battling UTI symptoms. I work up early one morning and was first in line at the convenience clinic. First round of antibiotic worked but was told that if the abdominal pain persisted, make an appointment with my physician. Oh by the way, you have blood in your urine as I am practically walking out the door. White blood cells that is. Working mandatory overtime as well as being in pain - yuck!

Following week, I am at my doctor's office and lab shows I still have WBC in my urine. The pain has diminished some but still present. Let's go have a scan done to make sure that you don't have kidney stones. Round two of antibiotics. Still working mandatory overtime. Stones are not present.

Two weeks later, I am being told to come back to the doctor's office for another lab to check the WBC. I tell them, I am covered 100% if I go to Lab One, so give me an order slip, I will check in there and we can see what the result is. I get a phone call from the doctor's office on Tuesday (Thursday was the pee date), the specimen could not be used as it was too old. I called the lab and of course it was the courier's fault, not the person that had the cup. Still working mandatory overtime, but pain in abdominal area comes and goes.

Two weeks from the last time I arrived at Lab One, I come again for a pee cup. I get a call on Wednesday from my doctor's office. Specimen could not be used as the identification did not match. WTH does that mean? I called headquarters to find out. The dumb rod at the lab wrote Ashland on my specimen and as that did not match the doctor's orders or my name, they pitched the golden nectar. Still working mandatory overtime and stress level is off the charts!

Day after doctor's office called, I found out that with the change in our insurance plan, Lab One is not 100% covered and I have worked by self through all this garbage for nothing. I walked across the parking lot to Boyce and Bynum for a pee! Damn, could that toilet be any closer to the ground now? How the hell do they expect an adult to hold a cup and squat as if they were outside in the bushes I ask you? That afternoon, phone call from the doctor's office, I have WBC still and third round of antibiotics. Mandatory overtime, stress, burned-out, hating my office, my job and you name it!

OY! Two weeks later I feel like crap. Left work early on Tuesday I felt so bad. I am coughing up a lung (well my ribs hurt so much from the coughing that is what it felt like) and thank goodness I have a follow-up appointment with my doctor. I get there to pee in a cup and found out that was all they wanted me to do. Oh no - you are so going to see me! I took off from work for this when I could have gone across the parking lot again - no, no, no! I was there for almost two hours. Pee still had WBC, had to have a breathing treatment, stopped by Walgreen's to get the drugs and crawled into bed for the medicine to take effect. Mandatory overtime, I have been off 2 1/2 days without pay as I am out of sick time, feeling lousy, want my mommy, can't breath, just ready to die (so of course I will live!).

Time to visit the specialist now as three rounds of antibiotics should clear up the WBC but it hasn't. Appointment made for 4/26/10, the Monday after the 50th anniversary weekend for the parents. Thursday a.m. in the middle of the night, I wake up HURTING like crazy with UTI symptoms again. OMG!!! I called the doctor's office to get some antibiotic for the pain. They called me to tell me the order was made at Walgreen's and in the course of the conversation, oh wait! Don't you have an appointment at the Urologist on Monday? If you take this, you will not be able to give a good specimen. Get some AZO OTC stuff and if you can tough it out, that is what they recommend. Mandatory overtime, but maybe the last one for a while, pain is almost unbearable, 50th weekend plans and stuff I need to do.

Weekend went well, but I was miserable the entire time. I fell asleep around midnight on Saturday/Sunday with the TV on and was awake from 2 to 5:30 and probably went to the bathroom 7 or 8 times in that time frame. My dad thinks I was up until 5:30 just because that was when I turned the TV off. It took all my energy to not make my problem an issue during the weekend. The emotional and physical strain was too much, really.

Monday - appointment with the Urologist. The want me to use this port-a-pot like you see in the rest home with a cone shaped funnel in place for you to pee into for a flow to some sort of meter. I kid you not, that chairwas about 24 inches wide and I don't know if you have noticed, but my ass passed that mark a long time ago. So I peed in the cup as normally prior to examination. The doctor comes in takes one look and says I am positive you have a yeast infection and nothing wrong with your bladder. I am a bladder man, not a gynecologist, but I will do a catheter of your bladder to eliminate the possibility of the bladder. In the meantime, the man gives me a prescription for yeast infection. Most women take one or two pills - I get 7 days worth. Tell you anything? Problem is I am showing UTI symptoms and yeast infection symptoms (not really, but some) and yet, there is something telling me that this is not it.

Day 6 of infection - shouldn't I be feeling some relief. My doctor wants me to go get an ultra sound to check for cyst on my ovaries as the abdominal pain is still present, coming and going. I drink my quart of water and just didn't output the amount I should have. She sure did take a lot of pictures so I was sure that I had a cyst, it was big and moving around (to account for the pain not always present). Mandatory overtime no more!

Day 7 of infection - damn it I HURT! Every time I urinate, at the end it is all I can do to not scream or cry. I really HURT!!! Something just is not right, Urologist's office called my cell phone that afternoon while I am working (it is turned off like a good person that I am). I can't get anyone at the office, so I call the hospital to have the Dr. call me back from home. I want some relief now. Of course, he doesn't have that information at home and can't call in my prescription. I have to wait until the next day. Can't even tell me the problem so all I know is that the bladder is the problem.

Day 8 of infection - just stick a needle in me now, I am done. I can't take anymore and we all know I have no tolerance for pain in the first place. I have e-coli infection (don't ask me how) and prescription is ready. I should see some improvement by the second dosage. I was not able to get off work to pick up the medicine until done for the day, so there is a Day 9 in the horizon. Doctor's office called - the ultra sound was good and my ovaries are fine. Okay, so what is the problem with the pain in my abdominal area may I ask? The infection apparently. I am not sure if this is correct or if I am just having problems with the fact that this was not caught sooner.

Day 9 of infection - it is true that improvement was seen after the second dosage but still having some issues. Not needing to scream or cry when urinating does indicate it is working. However, pain in abdomen is making itself known more often than not now. Hoping that by the end of the day I am feeling even more like myself as Ginny is coming to spend the weekend and don't want it to be me being crabby. Saturday is Georgetown garage sale and I want to go feeling well, not sick. I have met more than half my deductible with this crap...what could I have done differently and what could my doctor have done differently? Plenty I am sure. It has been two and a half months of hell, let me tell you but I think I am going to live.

Class Two, Week Three

Yep - I skipped a posting. Too much to do and not enough time to do it! Team project completed and moving onto individual project for weeks four, five and six. I have to come up with a change from my workplace and man do we need change AND FAST! Have to do another 8 hours mandatory overtime this weekend. I am booked already, not only this weekend but the other two weekends during the month. I just don't understand why our overtime has to be from 5 pm Friday to Sunday - as long as you are getting my overtime, why the hell should you get to dictate WHEN I do them? I already told them I had plans this weekend. It is not just about me this time, but other people are involved too. Why should I be the one to change everything just for work? I am working to live, not living to work. Bah humbug....

Enough bitchiness for the day, moving on. Had a nice visit with my mom and dad this Easter weekend. I also got to meet with the photographer and Stonehedge head person for the anniversary dinner. Getting cake, flowers and table decorations this week. Still thinking on the banner if I want to go that far or not...probably not. Need to get the video camera ordered too.

I think I have said enough for two weeks worth of work - counting helps; 15 classes, one down and 14 left to go!

Class Two, Week One

I am getting a little behind as it is almost end of week two from class two. I told my dad the other day, 15 classes, one down and 14 more to go! My mom sent me an email and asked how school was going. Then she asked me if I was having fun...can't say that I am. It is very much a dedication and determination thing for me right now.

I am slightly out of the norm in this class as almost all the others are nurses, work in a hospital, or a on 'THAT' side of the health care street. Discussions between class members count as participation and 'attendance'. It is hard for me to be part of a discussion when I have no related working experience. Several members are working in Labor and Delivery - can't say that I can even relate as a patient :)

My professor pissed me off this week. I had done my attendance and was reading comments between other members and something one classmate said triggered a memory. Talking about 'If you want someone to do a good job, you need to give them a good job to do', what that meant to us and if we agreed. One had written that it was not possible for everyone to have the best job as someone still has the toilet cleaning job. What mattered was that this person with the menial task felt important and still part of the team as the vice president of the company as it took everyone to make things happen. I read this and remembered the year I cleaned Gentry Middle School. It wasn't a job I wanted, but needed. I always had several teachers that were working late in their rooms and found that I was not in any way looked down upon due to my job description. I was still respected as a school employee, person and what I did mattered. I shared.

Here is what was said by "DR ERIC" as he calls himself (hmph!) : Some statements are so vague as to be meaningless. I believe this applies here and given your responses so far...okay is he talking about my responses or the thread of comments at that time? The more I thought about it, the more ticked off I got. Especially since this was placed out in the Main forum where everyone in the class reads. So, I sent him an email. I sent it in my individual forum, just between he and I so waiting to hear back from him. If I don't hear back by tomorrow, I am chatting with my enrollment and academic counselors. I really wanted to call him on this in the Main forum, but I didn't....I was nice, this time. Seriously, don't piss me off!

Well just finished working on group project due next week (Easter for pity sake!). More to do, but I still have individual assignment do finish up that is due tomorrow. I needed a break, so here you find me :) Going to take a break from the computer for a while now then come back with fresh eyes! My motto this week is take me as I am or don't take me at all (which is what I almost shared with the class if you get my drift, hehehe!).

End of the first class

Note to self...you had it easy and you didn't even know it! I have started the 2nd class. I am feeling slightly out of my comfort zone. I really want to go back to that first class now. I have been waiting to hear about my final grade - I was at A- at the end of week two, so we shall see. Overall, the three weeks went fast. It did not help that I had mandatory overtime two of those three weeks (and again this week). I DO think that without the mandatory overtime, I will be able to feel a little more secure and able to handle the classes.

Every week, there is something and very little time to breathe. I did know this before starting, I just didn't KNOW this. Thinking and doing are two very different things I am finding out.

Participation for classes require talking via online chats with other students. You have a minimum of two topic chats four times a week to be 'there' and it counts toward your grade. First class had only 12 people and not everyone chatted. This class we have double the group and it is much harder to keep track of conversations. Again, wishing for the time I was in first class again :) I will persevere, I promise!

Not sure how I feel about computer and emails for work, computer and chatting for school and now this, computer and journal entry for what should be me relaxing?...OY!!!

Second Week, Class One

I am already thinking that I am glad it is only a 3 week class! End of the second week was Monday and the last three days of that week were TERRIBLE! Team Project due on Monday at midnight. We have known about it since the syllabus came out, but no one really started on it until after week one. Well the project is worth 25 points right? There are four topics for 4 points each. It just so happens that there are four people on my team. Seems like easy math to me!

WRONG!! Of the 4 topics, I felt comfortable writing on any one of them, so I put out a message to my other team members letting them know that. I told them that if anyone had a preference take it and I would pick left overs (basically, just not in those words). Not only did all topics get picked, the person that picked two already started the PowerPoint presentation with her two topics! BITCH! Yes, I said it and meant it. She KNEW what she was doing, you can't tell me that she didn't.

I shot off an email to everyone and was blunt. I asked how this was fair. I was assured that there were enough other things for me to do to contribute to the project. I took my lumps and started working on uniforming the presentation. We had citations on the slides and speaker's notes on the slides, awful I tell you - just awful. I spent almost 7 hours working on it Sunday and knowing that I still had more to do, I sent it out to everyone to review with the intent to finish on Monday before submitting final presentation (not due until midnight). Well these old ladies didn't like that I moved all their stuff around and made it look 'plain'. Excuse me but PowerPoint slides do not tell the story, they just hit the highlighted points. Your speakers notes tell the story.

Final presentation had nothing, I mean nothing from me in the way of contributed information or materials. As a TEAM, whatever grade is received is given to all members. It bothered me so much that I was awake at two in the morning. I couldn't stop thinking about it and started crying. After about 30 minutes of crying, I started writing a letter to the professor. Mostly, it was therapeutic in nature, but part of me knew that I would be sending it. Okay, do not do anything rash! I reviewed it, changed it and saved it. I sent it to myself at work. At 6 a.m. I laid back down for a nap.

On my way to work, I called my advisor...didn't tell her about the letter but did tell her about the project. First thing she tells me, you need to tell your professor. Okay - I felt better writing the letter; I felt better talking to her; and you know what? I felt better when I sent the letter. I hear that it is campus policy that professors have to answer withing 2 days so we shall see.

I now have a paper that I need to write, on my own, that is due on Monday, again at midnight. Going to go do some research now. Good thing that library online is open 24 hours!

First Week, Class One

Today marks the end of my first week of online class. I have to say, it is a little overwhelming. I didn't have Internet until Saturday, four days after class started. The same class started again tomorrow, so I was just going to take it then. But NOOOOOO! It would make a difference in my financial aid, so I went to talk to JMR (the big man at work). I explained my situation and he graciously allowed me to use my computer at work last week until I got my Internet working Saturday. I spent so much time at the office and even if I wasn't working all that time, I am sick of my corner!

I think the people on my team are smarter and more verse than I am. Not to say that I don't have an opinion, but I think they are better at putting their thoughts on paper. Sigh, here I am beating myself up already! I think I am the only one that is going with the MHA/Gerontology field, so this is only one class that is 3 weeks long. One week down and two more to go for Class One.

What the blazes have I done now?

Sounds...

Most of the time, I don't realize it, think about it, or even notice it. But sometimes, I can't ignore it, get away from it, or escape from it. Having a disability has never slowed me down, gotten in my way or made a difference. But these last few years, I have notice that slowly, my life is changing around this one fact. I don't go to the movies anymore. I have to have closed captions. I can't hear well on the phone. The more people in the group, the quieter I become. Driving in a car is bad and driving in a car at night is even worse. Hard to read lips and drive at the same time and forget about doing that when it is dark! And that little buzzing/ringing I always had - it is now a loud buzzing/ringing sound at times. Just D R I V E S me bonkers! Sometimes, I can't fall asleep because of that noise. Makes me want to pop a sleeping pill or something! Anything to get rid of the sound. While it is true that my hearing problem does not define who I am as a person, it most certainly defines my actions and activities anymore. I can honestly say that I feel out of touch with things a lot and thinking it will not be getting any better.

Well, it happened. After almost five months of trying to go back to school, it is a done deal. I start classes on the 23rd of this month. Now that I am finally here, I think I am scared spitless! What the heck was I thinking? Okay, one class at a time. I can do it! The scary stuff is all the things that they are sending me since yesterday. I have to do this, I have to do that, oh and don't forget this and that too. Breathing slowly now, innnnn and outtttt, innnnn and outtttt, innnnn and outtttt.

Okay, I CAN do this, I know I can. I just am feeling a little ovewhelmed and need to sort through all this material. This too shall pass :)

One day at a time, folks - that I can handle!