Do you think everyone deserves a second chance? What about a third, fourth, fifth or more in chances? What about the circumstances?
I have to say I am all about chances and give second chances in most cases. I have even given some a third, fourth - yes, call me sucker. I am not sure if that makes me a better person or a stupid person. I have always been the person that sees the glass half full versus the glass have empty. I usually am able to allow people to show me what type of person they are rather than tell me. The person that tells me their life story the first time we meet, I already tend to not trust them. You don't know me from Adam and you are telling me THIS?
A person that is abusive due to an illness, alcohol or mental for example, they have to hit rock bottom and we can't prevent them from that trip. If they self-destruct along the way, we can't feel guilty or think we had a choice. We don't and are not doing any favors to that person by enabling them to continue the abusiveness.
My sister is on a path of self-destruction. She has messed up her relationship with two of her older children and simply messed up the youngest. As I spoke with the oldest child today, I reflected back on the number of chances I gave her. If it had not been for the kids, I would have written her off a long time ago and perhaps that is why things happen when they happen. She needed to be there for the kids and now that the last one has graduated high school, it is time to let her 'loose'. Will she learn? That is hard to say. Will she adapt? No doubt as she is a survivor. Will she hit rock bottom? Not as long as there is someone who buys her bullshit and enables her to continue. Will she change? No, I can say that with certainty. Why? Because her core has always been selfish and self-centered.
It is a hard lesson for her children to learn, harder on the oldest as she is a nurturer at heart (she follows her grandmother's gene). She has repeatedly allowed her mother to abuse her, mentally and financially (I am not going there with the physical possibility). Similar to when she was younger and I allowed this to continue. I can't play the what if game or it will drive me BONKERS!
I really have no regrets regarding my life. Any and all mistakes I have made were mine and allowed me to grow and experience life. But I do regret that I didn't do something when I was thinking about it back in the 1990's. I don't know how far I would have gotten, but I should have prevailed to start procedures to take those kids away from my sister. Some of the stories I have heard from the older kids tear my heart to pieces....I didn't know! Had I known, life would have been so different for me and those precious darlings.
You can't turn back time and you can't change the things that have happened. I still think people deserve second chances...and third, and fourth, etc. As long as they are trying to get it right, they deserve the chance. It is when they are not trying or when they are faking it or when they are being manipulative - that's when you have to draw the line.
I care about my sister, I just don't care for her. THAT makes me feel bad about myself, but I call it self-preservation. My mom says she is your sister - all that means to me is that we share the same DNA - period. Sisterhood is different than being sisters. I have the sisterhood, these are my sisters in heart. Much more important to me than sister by blood. The truth is in the pudding.
