CREEPY!

I work down town, in a not so safe spot. We have to park in the back of our building across the alley. Now, it isn't so bad for the most part. However, since the time change, it is a little spooky. It is dark and I am on a small path, with a brick wall on one side and a 9 foot drop over a retaining wall to the bank on the other side. No, there are no bars to prevent a person from being pushed, falling or slipping on ice down into that parking lot. I have met a gentleman in the alley twice now. He has been polite and even once let me walk the sidewalk and waited by the alley. The side walk isn't big enough for two people and let me tell you, I debated about walking towards him...In any case, he was just being a nice guy - this time! Yes, my imagination has started running wild upon occasion.

Now, we have to watch in the day time too. Trish left early today and had a person who was obviously agitated, walking back and forth in the alley. He was acting so strange, she called to let us know. A lot of homeless people will take shelter in the small places that we have in different places along the alley. A couple of years ago, a murder took place about two blocks to the east of here. I haven't forgotten this event for a second. Don't tell my mom, she thinks I am safer here than in KC. I may be, but then again... I just find that I am less apt to stay late to work, even if I needed to.

A person can try to be as safe as possible, but there are no guarantees in life. You can only do what is humanly possible. I often wonder if I would have the ability to fight off an attacker. I would like to think that I would try and succeed, but the truth is you just never know. I lock my doors, I look around me as I walk toward my vehicle or door to my house, I always try to be looking around and taking observation, simply because of my hearing, but I am still limited. Grandma and the boogie man has a place in my past...my head and my heart are not always in headed the same place.

I think about the man who 'tested' a stun gun recently as a measure to get a law passed allowing these for protection. Are these better than pepper spray? Does it matter since I don't have either one? A gun simply isn't an option for me. I am reminded of Pam on Army Wives, who has one in her house since she was being stalked. But she was a cop and KNEW how to handle a gun. Yes, I have shot a gun before. You don't get raised on a farm and not understand the basic gun safety, which includes using a gun. I didn't like it, but it doesn't mean that I couldn't use one if I needed it; I just don't want to go there.

When does a person truly feel safe? At what stage do we let go of the fears that lurk in our minds? I think it is health to have a certain level of fear, but I also don't dwell on these things until something happens to bring them to surface.