Reflections

It is the last day of October and not only Halloween, but my dad's 75th birthday today. He and my mom both just don't act their age. They are constantly doing this and that, going here and there, and NEVER at home! I think that is great. I remember my grandparents at that age and they didn't have half the energy my parents do. It is all in the mind and very much shows that how a person feels as well as their state of mind makes a difference. This would be true whether it regards your health, your family or your age.

The leaves are changing, my favorite time of the year. The mornings are crisp and clean; the days are bearable even if I am outside; and the evenings are cool that I don't have to run the a/c or the heat. Love it! Love it! Love it!

Then I realize that another year is about to pass me by. I look back over the months of this year and realize that I was very lucky in a lot of things. While Ashley moved to the Wild West of Washington (now Oregon), I worked with her the first part of the year and got to see her almost daily with the weekends included. I miss her a lot. I tell her this, but try not to emphasize how much I miss her because I know that she is still getting homesick. But the truth is, I REALLY miss her smiles, her laugh, her absentminded talks while she is texting, watching movies together, baking cookies so that she can lick the beaters, bowl and spoon, her smiles, going to garage sales, going to Wal-Mart and looking at the clearance items, her laundry all over my kitchen floor, her laugh, and most of all, her ability to see things that I miss in people, events and everything. I know she probably thinks I miss her ears the most, but I haven't thought about it until just now.

I realize that I have seen Eric twice this year when usually, we get to see him one time only. Granted the first time it was due to his mom being in the hospital, but every thing turned out well and he spent the fourth of July with his family. Big event for us! I just saw him last weekend as he is home on leave. He has grown so much! Not talking about his body, but his mind, actions and mannerism.

I realize that I have a really great family! We have our faults, but who doesn't. We don't always get along, we don't always agree, and we don't always say the things that might be on our mind. In my case, I pretty much say what is on my mind to some and not to others. Depends on the person and the situation. Most of the time, people know where I stand.

I am getting older, every minute of every day. Some days I feel my age and others, it is a toss up to guess if I am 56 years old or just feel like I am! (I tell people that I am older than I really am - that way I am assured that people think I really look good for my age! Hey - it works for me! Don't knock it!) The older I get, the faster time races by. Not enough hours in the day to do what I need or want to do anymore. Too bad retirement doesn't get here quicker...watch, I will wish that I wasn't retired when it does arrive.

My parents are moving, again. I think this will be there 19th or 20th move, I have lost count. It is easy to do when I am not moving with them. I guess I shouldn't talk as I have moved a lot of times as well. My friends say it is the Ashford name and moving is the game. To make matters worse, the move is temporary so they will move again. I am not for sure if the temporary moves count or not really. The last house was suppose to be the final place. The house ended up being bigger than they needed or wanted. In addition, my mom fell this past winter and as a result hurt her knee. Surgery this past summer took care of that, but I think they realized that down the road, they needed less space. They will be perfectly happy with smaller space until the family comes to visit...we will see.

I think about my grandparents a lot lately. I always miss them, but certain times more than others. I was so lucky to have them for as long as I did. They were wonderful people who certainly loved their grandchildren. My mom's parents were more invovled since she was an only child. Harder to split your time among multiple children and their offspring...sometimes!

Looking back, this past year has held a lot of changes, good things, not so good things and lots of family time. I absolutely love that my parents are not going to Texas for the winter any more, but if that is what makes them happy, I want them to do it. It is their golden years, not mine. I am happy purely for selfish reasons, can you blame me?

Christmas is Coming!

This is really a P.S. from yesterday...my trip to St. Louis was eventful. Full of good and not so good things happening. The BEST part of the trip for me, was finding the radio station that was playing Christmas songs all day/night long! I found it on Friday night and had it stationed there until I got out of area on Saturday night. See how little things make me happy?

Realization

I have come to the realization on several things lately. While my mind told me some of this a long time ago, my heart just finally caught up. It takes me a few knocks over the head sometimes unfortunately. I know you want me to expand on these realization, but really, some of them are personal in nature. So just know that I GOT THE PICTURE recently and I am ashamed that I ignored some of this for so long.

It has been a CRAZY two weeks to say the least. I have been bringing work home in the evening and thank goodness is all I can say! I was in St. Louis this weekend and ended up with a car repair bill. The old Jill would have been in panic mode and besides herself. Mostly due to lack of funds. The new Jill, get it done and move on. Mostly due to having the funds. A terrible circle that I move in, having my life hinge on how much money I have. I counted my blessings and smiled when I paid the bill.

I am heading to KC this next weekend - to my sister's new place. My nephew, who is in the Navy, will be there with his girlfriend. I saw him briefly around the fourth of July when he came home to check on his mother, who spent four days in the hospital. I hope to see him just a little bit more this time. My sister moved into a really nice area to be closer to work since gas prices were so ridiculous. My niece has thrived at the new school, thank goodness. She is reading again and more importantly, making good grades. I am so proud of her! Her class is advance compared to the school she was coming from and the teachers are working with her one one one in some situations. She is learning a lot and getting some attention she obviously needed - GREAT!!!

In addition to my water aerobic classes twice a week, I have decided to walk three times a week as well. My hope is to have Tanya and Ascanio join me, but I am not waiting. Tonight, I start. I don't know how long I will walk as I forgot my headphones. I did walk to the library on lunch and maybe I will be a walker/reader tonight...I wonder how hard it is to walk and read? I can drive and read, so you would think that I could do the walking and reading combination.

Marcy, harnesses are okay but hard to come by when you need a strong one! I too, purchased one this weekend :) It wasn't too bad and I would recommend Ann's to anyone that needed a stong one.

Can you feel it?

Well my favorite time of the year is here, fall. I love to see the trees change colors. It is cool enough to suit my erratic inner thermostat and warm enough I can still wear shorts! I know people think I am weird since I wear shorts from as early as March through to November sometimes. I don't care, as long as I am comfortable. That isn't to say that I don't have a coat or jacket in the car with me or wear one in the early morning hours; just that for the bulk of the day, I do wear shorts and short sleeve shirts. Drives some of my friends crazy!

Things get hectic at work during this time, but at least it is a job. I have enough to worry about with paying the bills that I don't need to worry about whether I might lose my job or not. I guess anything is possible, look at FBD. The funny thing about FBD, the company that bought them out did so for the clientele. Only they ended up losing about 95% or more of these clients as no one wanted to associate or go for the ride with the new administrator. I found that to be the ironic thing - all those jobs that were gone and for what?

I do miss living in the city...and have actually been looking online at jobs in KC every now and then. I think that is history as it may not be the right time for a career move with all the turmoil of the economy. I like living here, I like my boss and right now I like my job. I love being with my friends and seeing the babies grow. I really am not sure why I want to live in the city, but then my thought process has never consistent. Some would volunteer to confirm that, I am sure.

Going to do some work at home tonight, again. I look forward to the day when I can go home and truely relax. Even now, if I do go home and don't work, I am not relaxed as I know that I have things to do and it sits heavy on my mind. UGH!!

Celine Dion concert tickets...anyone have any that they would like to give away or sell cheap? I asked both Laura and Becky if they would like to go and neither one seemed so inclined. I do know that it is because of the price of her tickets...almost $100 not counting parking, food, or memorbilia, which would be a MUST for me! Becky has said that she would go, if I couldn't find anyone else, but I can't just ask anyone to pay out that money unless they really wanted to go.

Moving on and letting it go...maybe!

Sunday, the start of a new week!

It is Sunday and I find myself needing to go to the office. Some days, I feel that the work load will never end and they will find me buried beneath claims. Usually, I don't mind doing a little extra, but I feel like I have being doing extra for a few weeks now and the feeling is getting old. Perhaps it is knowing that I have two buckets of claims to review in my office, knowing that we are behind in general and basically just not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, I do know that we always manage to climb out of this slump and with a holiday on the 13th (Columbus day), we will probably get there later than sooner unfortunately.

My day yesterday was a good day. Tanya, Ascanio and I drove to Kathy's house dropped her MK order, drove on to Jackie's house, dropped her mom's MK order off and Tanya was able to feed and change Ascanio at both places. I enjoyed visiting with both of these ladies and where at Jackie's, I met Isaac (sorry if I didn't spell that correctly Jackie!), Ashleigh's son, who is now 2 years old. Even though I have been to Jackie's since he was born and seen lots of pictures of him, this is the first time I have met him in person. Christopher, Isaac's brother has grown and it so friendly, he sat right down next to Tanya and visited with her as if he knew all about her. It was so cute!

We moved onto to the outlet mall...it was wild and so full of people. But there were some very cute items there that were reasonably priced. I managed to pick up 5 different Christmas presents while there, so I am happy. I just need to go back and find some more stores that I didn't get a chance to visit and go back to the ones that I did! We managed to find an ice cream store too - so you know what that means; yummy!!!

I did manage to accomplish something yesterday though - and it was major! When I am talking to Ascanio, I just say whatever and it just comes out of my mouth. Imagine my dismay when a few of the 'pet' names (for a baby, not necessarily for Ascanio) was offensive enough that Tanya expressed her distaste. Again, they just rolled off my tongue with no thought. Tanya felt that they were not 'masculine' enough...okay first, I have 8 nieces and one nephew so I guess any name I used were probably more feminine rather than masculine. Second, I am not trying to make that sweet little baby a 'MAN' or a 'WOMAN' yet in any case, I am just having conversation. One would assume that as he ages, the 'baby' talk would be eliminated and the pet names would not be used. SO, I have to make an effort now to NOT say the ones that she found offensive. It is hard to curb my instincts in more way than one! HOWEVER, I triumphed last night when I called Ascanio 'Mister A' and got the mother seal of approval. Very Major!

I have some where to go every weekend this month. I like to travel and I am grateful that the cost of gas dropped down. It makes me more willing to get in the van (a gas guzzler) and move across one side of the state to the other. This weekend, I filled up in Columbia before leaving at $3.19 a gallon and saw it at the Lake for $3.03 a gallon. Wow! That is cheap I thought. I can remember when Hurricane Katrina hit and gas jumped to $3.00 or more a gallon - I thought that was high! How far we have come.

Next weekend is a trip to Marshall as they are having Football in Pink where the players will play the game in white jersey's with pink numbers in honor of Breast Cancer awareness. They are also having a benefit before the game where you get dinner, t-shirt, special program, and entrance all to raise money for breast cancer. Since my mom is a breast cancer survivor for over 30 year, I am all for this! So I am leaving a little early to meet my parents to go to the dinner and game together. This should be fun. I understand that it is the first of this type of event in Missouri. I hope that it will be a tradition - I would love to have something my family supports as a group on behalf of my mom.

The following weekend, I am heading to St. Louis for a 15th birthday party for Oliva, the daughter of my friend Lisa. It is a big deal - a Quinceanera is like a coming out party or debutant ball for Oliva. I am combining the trip to take Tita to the airport as well. She is flying down to Florida where Monica lives. I think I will be picking her up and combining that trip with a visit with Marcy. We have not finalized this yet, but I think we are leaning toward this possibility.

Then the last weekend of the month, I will be going to Kansas City, where my sister is having a dinner for the family. It just so happens that Eric will be home from the Naval Base in Washing that week as well. Kaycie's birthday is on the 24th and my dad's is on the 31st - so this will be a little celebration of many things. Ashley will be the only missing family member this time. One day, we will all get together again!

Well, work awaits...sigh.

Jack and Jill

Jackie and I go way back! I have always admired her adventureous nature, her take on life, her positive outlook and her give-them-hell-harry attitude. I carry her in my heart and she makes me smile. She is a lot like me in that she believes it doesn't do any good to whine about things you can't change; if you want anything done, you almost have to do it yourself; plant your feet on the ground when you get first get up and smile; and most of all, we love our family. Why is this irrelevant? I am going to see Jackie tomorrow.

Jackie has been a single mom almost most of her life, even when she was married to whats-his-name. She has three lovely daughters that I love! They are all three very much like her, yet very different. Ashleigh, the oldest; Savannah, the middle child, and then Caitlyn, the 'baby'. Ashleigh has two sons, a single mom, wants to learn life her way! Savannah, the new fiancee, who has moved to the big city of St. Louis and loves people. Caitlyn, is in college and has been making plans for her future. All three are very well mannered, have positive outlook on life, and are wonderful adults.

It is sad really, sometimes I feel like I saw her more when she lived in Denver. But this year, she and I have worked hard on making sure we see each other more. We have had two road trips this year, and I have been to her house for this and that a couple of times. I know that we won't get to visit long enough and always leave her, thinking I can't wait to see her again.

Jackie has been very fortunate to find David, but she had to go to Texas to find him. Maybe that is my problem in finding someone. I have to go outside the 'box' (meaning Missouri) and find my guy. Oh, yeah like that is going to happen. David is very laid back. He WANTS his girls to be happy (in addition to Jackie and her three girls, he has two of his own). Jackie's daughters LOVE David and I certainly can see why. He has managed to step right into that family and made a niche for himself among the lace, candles, perfume, and other girl things (and there are a LOT of them). I consider myself lucky to have David in my life too.

I can't wait for the next Jack and Jill road trip! We REALLY need to do this again.

Starting Out

My friend Marcy has inspired me to join the world of blogging. My thought - there can't be any wrong way to write what is on my mind. It is my mind, my thoughts, my opinions, and it is allowed! Speaking of writing, some think that is what I do best as I have a tendency to write, and write, and write, and write. My friend Laura has said more than once that I should write a book. I don't know. I write emails all day at work so this may be a short flash in the pan!

My days and thoughts are consumed by what is taking place around me at the time. Lately, that is spending time with Ascanio, Tanya's son, who just turned 7 weeks old today. He is so cute that I just can't help but tell him this frequently! He is a good natured baby, unless he is hungry or fighting sleep (mainly if he doesn't get to sleep when he should). Tanya goes back to work the 13th, so she is spending as much time as possible getting him on a schedule.

Yesterday, due to work that is being done on her street, Tanya's electricity got disconnected. I happened to be taking lunch (to run to Wal-Mart) and got her message about the lack of energy flowing around her house. So I ran to her house, picked her and the baby up, took them to my house, dropped them off, ran to Wal-Mart, and went back to work. Yes, I took a long lunch, but you know what? I didn't care. I had been up since 4 a.m., did some work for 2 hours, was at work an hour early and just didn't care if I took extra time for lunch. Anyway, I got back to the office when Tanya calls me. She was laughing as I answered the phone. She said that she had just settled down with Ascanio and MY electricity went out! Are you kidding me?, was her thought. As I answered the phone though, my electricity came back on. Big difference between being off 3 or 4 minutes versus being off for hours.

Today, Tanya sends me an email at work that she has had no sewer since early morning. She, Raphiell and Ascanio had gone to his mom's for a shower thinking that maybe sometime in the afternoon, this would be fixed. Oh no, it could NOT be that easy! She asked if I could come pick her up after work so that she could use my bathroom. So I left work an hour early. Before you think anything, you need to know that I had NOT taken a lunch break so I only left 30 minutes early overall!

Anyway, as I drove down her street behind a dump truck full of gravel, I worried that a rock would fly back and hit my windshield, shattering the glass. I didn't have to worry about that. He stopped right at the end of her street and sat. I went around him and drove up to the drive-way, dodging orange barrels, orange cones, big hoses, bulldozers, trucks with trailers attached, other vehicles, honestly? Those are just the things I DID notice. I grabbed the baby and put him in the car. As I looked up, that dump truck full of gravel had backed up to the hole to the side of her drive way and was unloading all this gravel next to the hole. Okay, now I am worried. I very calmly (yes, I WAS calm) walked out to the street where one of the many gentlemen working around there met me. He assured me that the truck would be leaving soon. Okay, but how do I get out? The would move one of their vehicles parked along the edge. Great - now all I had to do was back up about 30-40 feet, go around their cones, barrels, equipments, the people, the holes and not hit anything or anyone while backing up all this time. Hey! I can do it - for Pete's sake, I used to drive a school bus and had to back that sucker up a lot! We managed to get out of their untouched - whew!

Off to my house I went. I wanted to go to Wal-Mart, only the another one. Tanya and I had combined our pictures of Ascanio on a CD. The story on this is I went to Wal-Mart yesterday (remember?) and of course! They are redoing the photo department and the one hour was not available. But the KODAK machine was instant, so the guy talked me into paying the extra price and get it done already. However, due to all the running around I had already done, Murphy's law was working very well in that the machine was not cooperating. It wouldn't read all the pictures on the picture cards. I couldn't get passed just dumping the pictures off the cards to create the CD, so I left. Anyway, after work yesterday I did run to Walgreens and for $1.50 extra (it sticks in my throat), I got a CD and index of our pictures. The goal was to get a copy for me, Tanya and Tita. So TODAY, the job was to take the Walgreen's CD to Wal-Mart and make two copies. While we were there, we got Ascanio some warmer clothes as the weather is starting to cool down. We managed to get the picture job done! YEAH!

After dropping Tanya and Ascanio off at my house, I left to go to water aerobic class. I have been doing this twice a week with Tanya since before Ascanio was born. We both enjoyed it and her doctor said low impact exercise would be good for her and the baby. My neighbor next door has joined the class too, so now that Tanya can't do water aerobic, I still have someone to keep me on my toes about attending. I miss Tanya though; we always had a good time. One thing the class has done for me is keeping me from hunching over so much. Being top heavy has many disadvantages and the tendency to lean forward, happens a lot. Having a desk job just enforces this position. It is a thought process though, but I think I am getting the hang of it.


I miss seeing Ashley (her smile lights up her face!). I need a hug Ashey! I miss Eric's deep voice even if I have trouble understanding him(why hasn't he called me back?). I miss making Kaycie laugh (she tries so hard not to laugh though!). I miss seeing Miss Ginny daily changes (I hear a lot about her escapes and funny stories!). I miss how out of the blue Katie will come up to me and give me a hug (what a warm feeling that is). I miss how when Becca talks, she plays with her hair (I haven't figured out if this is nerves or just habit). I miss my grandparents (they were such a blessing to my life!). I miss seeing Elayna (it's been forever! even though I have talked to her by phone). I SO miss by baby, Amber. Man, some days just seem longer than others when I think about her.

I enjoy Marcy's blog talking about her boys, the things they say and do, as well as how life is seen through their eyes. I love the cool days, we are having! I love the changing of the leaves - it is so beautiful. I felt blessed as I drove to work today. I hate sitting at my desk for 8 hours (or more) straight. I feel so old when I go to get up anymore (oh wait! I am old - 56 now you know!!) I loved being surprised by my parents coming to town earlier this week. I love talking to Laura on the phone or better yet, in person. I hate that I really am getting older (even if I really am not 56 yet!). I hate that I haven't had time to read a book in a very, very long time. I love that I will meet with 'the girls' next week. I guess that I l-i-k-e (I don't want to say it any other way) water aerobic class, but have to say that the instructor, Celine, makes it worth while. I hate the way my skin smells like chlorine after class (even after taking a shower, I can smell it - UGH!)

Okay, I really should not of had that tea so late in the day. It is almost one a.m. and I really need to get some sleep. I have LOTS more I could say, but guess I will save that for another day. I just KNOW that I will get flack about the length of my first blog. Oh well, it would not be my life if I didn't get some flack from someone!

Did you see that Vice Presidential debate tonight - OMG! That is a blog for another day.

Is there a limit on how much you can say? Is there a time restriction on how long a person can sit and type OR sit and read? Jackson, I wasn't talking to you! Marcy, thanks for showing me how to blog. Laura is loving you for sure!